44 Truths

1. Be kind 

2. Always say I love you.

 Last year I lost someone very close to me. It was quick and traumatic and I was there for it and it cracked my heart into a million pieces. As I was trying to make sense of it, I went back through our text messages and I am so very grateful that the last thing I said to him was “I love you.” Such simple words and yet they mean the most to people. They shouldn’t be said without the true implication of the meaning and you shouldn’t say it if you don’t mean it, but if you do, let the ones you love know. You might not ever have the chance again.

3. Snuggle all the babies and dogs.

4. Say a little prayer. 

  I have come to the conclusion that there are just things beyond my control in this world and sometimes all you can do is say a little prayer for the best. 

5. Take a breath.

 This is ironic coming from someone who has spent the better part of two years struggling to breathe, but that experience has forced me to pause at times and just take a breath, a beat, a moment to stop. A simple deep breath can sometimes give you the space you need to get through the moment. In my case, I know that people just thought I was in a constant state of exasperation because I had to take a lot of deep breaths just to function, but you get the message.

6. Sometimes you just need to let go.

 I have spent so much of my life being a fixer of things. I have broken myself into pieces just to try to put others back together when I wasn’t the person that broke them in the first place. It was never my burden to carry. But I made it my mission in life to be the person to mend– and I have done it over and over and over. And it has never ended in my favor, because you cannot fix someone that won’t fix themselves. 

7. You have to be the person to fix yourself.

 I have spent a lot of money on therapy throughout the years because I was a patently broken person. I had to reach a point where I was completely cracked before I could put myself back together. But I had to be the person to do the work to repair myself. I had to go to the sessions and do the self- reflection and realize all the ways that I had contributed to where I was in my life. And it was really hard. But it’s a lot harder staying stuck and sad.

8. Always be learning.

While many might consider me a know-it-all, I am well aware that there is so much I don't know. I truly believe that knowledge is power. That’s why I am constantly reading and watching videos on things I want to learn. In true Mary Beth ADHD fashion I forget half of it as soon as I am done, which is why the cycle starts again and I am rereading and relearning all the things. 

9. Drink more water.

Do as I say, not as I do. 

10. Don’t be afraid to do big things by yourself.

You can’t expect people to want to help you or be able to help you all the time. You have to just be ready and able to do things on your own. Renovate a house, take a trip across the world, buy a car with no one there to test drive it with you… Figure it out and just do it.

11. Failures are stepping stones.

When I am feeling down about myself I think about all the things in my life that have ended and consider them failures when in actuality they were teaching me things. I owned my own restaurant for 8 years, which I closed in 2016, and people still come up to tell me how much they miss it to this day! I ended that journey on a high note, but sometimes it still felt like losing. Closing allowed me to segue full- time into real estate, which is my true calling. My marriage ended and that felt like a failure at the time, but I realize now if I had stayed in that I probably wouldn’t be typing this today. When things end they can feel like failures, when in reality they are just leading you to something much better.  

12. Carry tuna packs in your car for when you’re hungry on the road.

13. Nothing is better than a McDonald’s Coke.

14. If you feel like something’s wrong, it is.

15. Chronic illness is a diagnosis, not a definition.

This has been particularly hard to come to terms with. Over the past few years my life has changed exponentially. I went from taking on the world to barely getting off the couch for the better part of 2 years. My dreams got a lot smaller– my wishes went from world travel to being able to walk upstairs without nearly passing out. When your life changes so drastically in such a short amount of time, it really causes you to reflect and evaluate the levels of importance of things. I used to push myself so hard to be the best– the best everything, the best Realtor, the best daughter, the most accomplished in terms of committees and boards, the best friend… and it took everything out of me. When the best I could do was shower in a day and that felt big, being the best wasn’t so important anymore. Getting sick was awful, but it forced me to make big necessary changes in my life and I am genuinely better for it. 

16. Always wear sunscreen.

I’m not sure I believe this one. That shit can give you cancer– but so can the sun, so pick your poison. 

17. Don’t be reactionary.

Another do as I say… I run hot… I have a quick and explosive temper and I will say the first thing that comes to mind which is typically not the best thing. This is a daily trial for me and I fail often, but I really am trying to do better.

18. Minimalism is great until you miss the people that gave you stuff. 

I am a notorious packrat who attaches sentimentality to memories associated with objects. I can tell you where I was and what I did in almost every outfit I own. I have all my birthday cards from my aunts and still come across notes with my Maahh’s beautiful script and I am so very grateful whenever I run across one. My house may be full, but so is my heart. 

19. When you do decide to declutter, Vinted is an amazing way to sell your stuff.

20. Keep a current passport.

21. Always say yes to adventure.

See above. 

22. Learn to say no.

23. Dave Ramsey is mostly right.

24. A good outfit doesn’t have to be the most expensive one.

25. Sometimes you just need a little cry.

 I recently went to a funeral of someone who was close to my family and I was bereft at the service– embarrassingly so. And, while I loved this person and they mattered a lot to me throughout my life, I also realized that these tears weren’t just for the loss of this great man, but also because I felt such weight for so many other things. And, maybe if I had let myself feel them and have a little cry before that day I wouldn’t have been so despondent at that moment.

26. Eat the dessert.

27. Always carry a book.

28. No one really has it together and the more they look like they do, the faker they really are.

Exhibit A.) Instagram 

29. Spend all the time you can with your grandparents/ parents/ relatives/ people who matter to you the most.

If I could go back in time this would be the thing I changed. I’d give anything for a few more precious moments with my grandparents. If my parents ask me to go to dinner or lunch I almost always say yes. Because these chances are fleeting and nothing is more important than having that time. 

30. If everyone else in your life says someone you care about is a bad person, they probably are.

And I do not need to make it my mission in life to prove everyone wrong… 

31. Forgiveness is for you, not them.

Boy, this is the hardest for me. No one holds a grudge like I do. When I am done with someone my anger runs deep and forgiveness is the last thing on my mind. But, the release that you get when you finally say ‘I forgive this’ is so freeing. Every time I get to that point I feel like there is a weight lifted off me, but, man, it takes me forever to get there! 

32. Sing every chance you get and…

33. Make up stupid songs.

If people heard the stupid things that I make up for my dogs they would send me to Western State… and rightfully so. 

34. You’re never going to please everyone.

I have spent so much of my life as a people pleaser. I gave up giant swaths of myself to make others happy and almost always to the detriment of myself. When I gave myself permission to disappoint others, life became easier. And, it’s not that I gave up trying to make others happy– it’s my favorite thing to do; I just gave up trying to be all things to all people. 

35. Give grace as much as possible.

36. You’re printer will inevitably stop working right when you are trying to run out the door, so print early.

37. The easiest decision is often the wrong one.

38. Sometimes you just have to laugh.

Seeing the humor in the world will get you through many a tough time. 

39. You have to show love to get love.

Having the hardest heart in the room isn’t a badge of honor. Being an open and honest person is. 

40. Buy a pick-up.

41. Tear down walls.

Literally and figuratively. Opening up space in a house and in your heart will make everything feel bigger. So grab a sledgehammer and get to work. 

42. Always show gratitude.

 I am a great thank you note writer. I am terrible thank you note sender. If you have ever given me a gift please know that I am extremely grateful for it and for you in my life-- and more than likely there is a card expressing this floating around in a purse or desk drawer somewhere.

43. I am loved beyond measure.

44. We are all people just doing the best we can to get through life.